To whomever may stumble upon this,
We know that God is love. We know that God's love is indiscriminate, unwavering, and inexhaustable. Does knowledge equal understanding?
I've come to the conclusion that I don't truly comprehend these qualities of God's love for me. Here's why.
I realized this week that I've sought tangible representation of God in people and in things. By this, I mean that I've held people to impossible standards. Impossible standards breed unmet expectations. I, once again, stew in my hopeless perfectionist entitlement. Can anyone be trusted, moreso-is anyone worthy of MY trust?
Hideous. The fact is...the fingers that point back at me remind me that I'm the one breeding disappointment...because I'm not ok with myself...because I can't meet impossible standards I have set for myself...because I can't comprehend God's unconditional love for me...and it's easier to lay the blame on others than admit that the problem lies within.
Sometime in the middle of this week...yes...THIS week (you'd think I'd of learned this all a whole lot sooner) I realized that I had sought to fill the discontentment and insecurity within myself with...everything but God. The angrier I got at the people and things that disappointed me the angrier I got at myself because what I sought to fill the original emptiness was beginning to drain me completely dry. The original emptiness rooted from a stint of shallow communication with God. I realized I was coming before God- attempting gratefulness, attempting repentance, attempting wisdom. The thing about God is, we don't have to "attempt" at all-because the word in itself carries an implication for potential failure. We can't fail God-because once again, everything comes back to unconditional love.
If we could truly understand the vastness of this-of God's love for us-I believe we would find contentment in the simple fact that we belong to a gracious, eternally loving God. How can we not then turn and extend the same grace and compassion to others?
Deuteronomy 32:21 has God saying, "They have made Me jealous with what is not God..."
Wow...idolatry comes soooo easily. There are so many things to which we could extend our love-people, things, money, etc. , none of which are God. It just so happens that our very real emotions-loneliness, emptiness, insecurity-seem to be more readily mended by that which is tangible. The One actually worthy of our love can't be touched, tasted, audibly heard, visually seen, hugged, cried on, laughed with. That's hard. That's really, really hard. BUT it's possible...because Christ first loved us. It's possible because our waiting, praying, meditation, reading-all of it-brings us to a place of near-tangible peace and contentment. It brings us to a place of love for others. It brings me to the place where "My mouth will speak wisdom, and the mediation of my heart will be understanding." Psalm 49:3
We know that God is love. We know God means for us to pursue both knowledge and understanding of His love. We know that God means for us to extend that love to others.
The problem isn't everyone else. Examine yourself and realize the problem is you...only in the sense that...somewhere along the way, you lost the ability to accept the notion of God's love and acceptance and came to the conclusion that it was something to be earned...something to attempt gaining...and therefore, something to fail at receiving. That's a lot of pressure. No wonder you can't meet impossible expectations. No wonder everyone else can't either.
"Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for my soul. I cried to Him with my mouth, and He was praised with my tongue. If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear; but certainly God has heard; He was given heed to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer nor His lovingkindess from me." Psalm 66:16-20
emily
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Utterances of God
"Whoever speaks, let him speak, as it were, the utterances of God..." I Peter 4:11
Wow. Think about the implications of that. Think about the utterances of God...what they would sound like. To hear the utterances of God would be to hear only words of absolute truth, absolute love, absolute purity. To think about taking our words captive to emulate the utterances of God...what a goal...what a privilege...what a calling.
This carries so much further even than our words alone...
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks...
If our words reflect the utterances of God, than what does that mean for our hearts? It means that not only are we speaking truth, but we believe in our hearts that what God says to be true genuinely is...we subscribe to loving God with our whole beings, and by the grace of God, loving our neighbors-created in God's own image...we hold ourselves to a standard of purity in all things...
Again, what a standard-to aim for our words to reflect the utterances of God, to direct our thoughts constantly to the things of God and His infinite truth...to saturate our hearts in that which causes our Father's to beat for us...
Just a thought...
Wow. Think about the implications of that. Think about the utterances of God...what they would sound like. To hear the utterances of God would be to hear only words of absolute truth, absolute love, absolute purity. To think about taking our words captive to emulate the utterances of God...what a goal...what a privilege...what a calling.
This carries so much further even than our words alone...
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks...
If our words reflect the utterances of God, than what does that mean for our hearts? It means that not only are we speaking truth, but we believe in our hearts that what God says to be true genuinely is...we subscribe to loving God with our whole beings, and by the grace of God, loving our neighbors-created in God's own image...we hold ourselves to a standard of purity in all things...
Again, what a standard-to aim for our words to reflect the utterances of God, to direct our thoughts constantly to the things of God and His infinite truth...to saturate our hearts in that which causes our Father's to beat for us...
Just a thought...
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Well hello!
Have you ever felt like the only thing that remains constant in your life is...change?
To say that God has been moving in mysterious ways would be an understatement. Through recent conversations and situations I've been reminded of the fact that my heart is restless...and, while this can be unnerving at times, I can't forget the fact that God is the God of my emotions...even restless ones. Things have been transitioning in strange, unexplainable, unexpected ways and while normally this would terrify me, God has given me an equally unexplainable peace. Every person seeking God's will for their life could say that there have been defineable times in their life when they felt as though God was loosening ties...an uprooting of sorts. This would be one of those times...when God begins moving you beyond your comfort and your current peace for the sake of growth, teaching, pruning, and blessing. And, though our first instinct is to kick and scream about it, we should rejoice. We can't possibly know everything at once, because it would overwhelm us-and inevitably, we would start hashing out how those things could possibly be accomplished in the flesh. I am so thankful for a God that works on a need-to-know basis. Considering all of this, I opened up to last night's devotion and it was Hebrews 11-entitled, "The Triumphs of Faith"...what is our hope and peace built on if not our faith in the fact that God loves us enough to move us one step at a time, blessing us according to His purpose and plan? Nothing is guaranteed...not even tomorrow...and what we think we can rely on, we can't, and what we think we're entitled to, we aren't. Vs. 39 says, "And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us..." What are we promised? We are promised chastening out of love, followed by growth and blessing.
Needless to say, I'm finishing this year with a million uncertainties...and a smile because I know I don't have to have it all figured out.
Have you ever felt like the only thing that remains constant in your life is...change?
To say that God has been moving in mysterious ways would be an understatement. Through recent conversations and situations I've been reminded of the fact that my heart is restless...and, while this can be unnerving at times, I can't forget the fact that God is the God of my emotions...even restless ones. Things have been transitioning in strange, unexplainable, unexpected ways and while normally this would terrify me, God has given me an equally unexplainable peace. Every person seeking God's will for their life could say that there have been defineable times in their life when they felt as though God was loosening ties...an uprooting of sorts. This would be one of those times...when God begins moving you beyond your comfort and your current peace for the sake of growth, teaching, pruning, and blessing. And, though our first instinct is to kick and scream about it, we should rejoice. We can't possibly know everything at once, because it would overwhelm us-and inevitably, we would start hashing out how those things could possibly be accomplished in the flesh. I am so thankful for a God that works on a need-to-know basis. Considering all of this, I opened up to last night's devotion and it was Hebrews 11-entitled, "The Triumphs of Faith"...what is our hope and peace built on if not our faith in the fact that God loves us enough to move us one step at a time, blessing us according to His purpose and plan? Nothing is guaranteed...not even tomorrow...and what we think we can rely on, we can't, and what we think we're entitled to, we aren't. Vs. 39 says, "And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us..." What are we promised? We are promised chastening out of love, followed by growth and blessing.
Needless to say, I'm finishing this year with a million uncertainties...and a smile because I know I don't have to have it all figured out.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Myspace
Hello!
I just wanted to let everyone know that I have a Myspace direct link now...thanks to a little help from my roomates :) So...here it is... http://www.myspace.com/EmilyCWolff -please let me know if it works ok! Actually...please just let me know if this link takes you to the page...I know the last song skips...if anyone has any feedback on how to fix it I'd love to hear it! Thanks so much! Have a wonderful day and God Bless!!!
Emily
I just wanted to let everyone know that I have a Myspace direct link now...thanks to a little help from my roomates :) So...here it is... http://www.myspace.com/EmilyCWolff -please let me know if it works ok! Actually...please just let me know if this link takes you to the page...I know the last song skips...if anyone has any feedback on how to fix it I'd love to hear it! Thanks so much! Have a wonderful day and God Bless!!!
Emily
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Happy Friday! Well, I'm drawing near to the end of my spring break and reflecting a bit on the time...
First of all, it's been awesome to have the time with family-to say that God has blessed me with incredible parents and siblings would be an understatement.
I also can't tell you how nice it's been to have a break from classes...so much open time to WRITE! I've been working on two new songs this week-I finished one tonight...praise the Lord! AND...the other one is still a work in progress...but it's coming along! It's so strange how different ideas formulate and materialize. I was driving home from my sister's house yesterday, and I was thinking about her relationship with my brother-in-law. They got married pretty young and I've seen them experience so much together-simply in being young and married while in school. I am continually amazed by the love they have for eachother-and I know it's nothing but the grace of God that has held them together through everything. Needless to say, I was reflecting on all of this, and I opened my mouth, and just in singing my thoughts out loud, formulated a chorus! I was so excited I ran home, wrote down lyrics and began working out a melody. After the chorus, I began praying about the rest...and really started to feel like the song shouldn't just be about lateral relationship love, but about God's love for us, and how we should be trying to work towards loving eachother with unconditional love every day of our lives. The thing is, we (as people) aren't good at loving unconditionally. I know personally, I get frustrated because I don't love others the way I should or the way I want to or the way each person deserves. This song is about that, I guess. Being inspired by love-the love of others and the love of Christ for us and others and the realization of falling short of extending this love-but continually trying anyway.
On a different note...I also worked on my Kazakhstan support letters tonight. I'm taking a missions trip to Kazakhstan in May through the Worship department at Liberty. I always feel a little strange with things like this-I know God provides through the financial blessings of others, but I guess I just struggle with feeling as though things aren't getting across sincerely. So, I guess I would really appreciate all of your prayers-both that God would provide financially and that recipients of those letters would really know my heart. Thanks everyone!!!
Well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Emily
Isaiah 42:16
"I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, in paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, and I will not leave them undone."
First of all, it's been awesome to have the time with family-to say that God has blessed me with incredible parents and siblings would be an understatement.
I also can't tell you how nice it's been to have a break from classes...so much open time to WRITE! I've been working on two new songs this week-I finished one tonight...praise the Lord! AND...the other one is still a work in progress...but it's coming along! It's so strange how different ideas formulate and materialize. I was driving home from my sister's house yesterday, and I was thinking about her relationship with my brother-in-law. They got married pretty young and I've seen them experience so much together-simply in being young and married while in school. I am continually amazed by the love they have for eachother-and I know it's nothing but the grace of God that has held them together through everything. Needless to say, I was reflecting on all of this, and I opened my mouth, and just in singing my thoughts out loud, formulated a chorus! I was so excited I ran home, wrote down lyrics and began working out a melody. After the chorus, I began praying about the rest...and really started to feel like the song shouldn't just be about lateral relationship love, but about God's love for us, and how we should be trying to work towards loving eachother with unconditional love every day of our lives. The thing is, we (as people) aren't good at loving unconditionally. I know personally, I get frustrated because I don't love others the way I should or the way I want to or the way each person deserves. This song is about that, I guess. Being inspired by love-the love of others and the love of Christ for us and others and the realization of falling short of extending this love-but continually trying anyway.
On a different note...I also worked on my Kazakhstan support letters tonight. I'm taking a missions trip to Kazakhstan in May through the Worship department at Liberty. I always feel a little strange with things like this-I know God provides through the financial blessings of others, but I guess I just struggle with feeling as though things aren't getting across sincerely. So, I guess I would really appreciate all of your prayers-both that God would provide financially and that recipients of those letters would really know my heart. Thanks everyone!!!
Well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Emily
Isaiah 42:16
"I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, in paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, and I will not leave them undone."
Friday, March 9, 2007
Welcome to the Sweet Bean
Well hello!
I will confess, this is my first blog and I'm not sure how much of this is supposed to be random thought as opposed to background information. Let's try both. I'm a sophomore at Liberty University, studying Worship and Music Ministry...and I love it. I don't know what's going to happen with it yet exactly-but I know that God has given me a passion for music and songwriting. I'm not sure when this all started exactly. I started writing poetry in middleschool, and envied every person on the planet that could actually put melodies to their words. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do-I asked God for melodies...plain and simple. I told God, (as if He didn't already know) that I knew He kept giving me words for a reason, and I knew they needed melodies and I couldn't write them myself. Long story short, I began spending more and more time at the piano...staring at words...staring at keys...staring at words...staring in general...and God has been faithful.
There's this thing in all of us, this innate God-given desire to create and be creative-this insatiable yearning-our souls thirst for it...to express emotion in innovative and inspiring ways-to demonstrate true artistry through music, art, dance, you name it. Look around you and see the vastness of our universe and it's not hard to see that God is a creative God. We are His true artistry. This thing, this indescribable longing that stirs my soul and awakens me to God, to love, to people, is writing music.
You may have noticed, I entitled this blog, "The Sweet Bean". Currently, the Sweet Bean is the name of my dorm-adopted by myself and my roomates for our room, the hall coffee shop. This is all going to sound a little ridiculous...because...well, it is just a dorm room. However, that having been said, we have a few constants. First and foremost, there is a coffee pot that never goes inactive for more than a day. We also have pleasant lighting (via spider lamp) and mood-fitting music (music that fits our moods, and music that creates the desired Sweet Bean atmosphere).
I've said all of that to say this. First of all, I can't think of any greater atmosphere than that of a coffee shop. When you visit the Sweet Bean (blog) I hope you feel relaxed...I hope you feel as though time reading this is time well spent, I hope you find a temporary haven from the daily grind (also actually the name of a favorite coffee shop here in town). I hope you leave with a fresh desire to create. Thank you for coming. Life is sweet, take the time to enjoy it :)
I will confess, this is my first blog and I'm not sure how much of this is supposed to be random thought as opposed to background information. Let's try both. I'm a sophomore at Liberty University, studying Worship and Music Ministry...and I love it. I don't know what's going to happen with it yet exactly-but I know that God has given me a passion for music and songwriting. I'm not sure when this all started exactly. I started writing poetry in middleschool, and envied every person on the planet that could actually put melodies to their words. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do-I asked God for melodies...plain and simple. I told God, (as if He didn't already know) that I knew He kept giving me words for a reason, and I knew they needed melodies and I couldn't write them myself. Long story short, I began spending more and more time at the piano...staring at words...staring at keys...staring at words...staring in general...and God has been faithful.
There's this thing in all of us, this innate God-given desire to create and be creative-this insatiable yearning-our souls thirst for it...to express emotion in innovative and inspiring ways-to demonstrate true artistry through music, art, dance, you name it. Look around you and see the vastness of our universe and it's not hard to see that God is a creative God. We are His true artistry. This thing, this indescribable longing that stirs my soul and awakens me to God, to love, to people, is writing music.
You may have noticed, I entitled this blog, "The Sweet Bean". Currently, the Sweet Bean is the name of my dorm-adopted by myself and my roomates for our room, the hall coffee shop. This is all going to sound a little ridiculous...because...well, it is just a dorm room. However, that having been said, we have a few constants. First and foremost, there is a coffee pot that never goes inactive for more than a day. We also have pleasant lighting (via spider lamp) and mood-fitting music (music that fits our moods, and music that creates the desired Sweet Bean atmosphere).
I've said all of that to say this. First of all, I can't think of any greater atmosphere than that of a coffee shop. When you visit the Sweet Bean (blog) I hope you feel relaxed...I hope you feel as though time reading this is time well spent, I hope you find a temporary haven from the daily grind (also actually the name of a favorite coffee shop here in town). I hope you leave with a fresh desire to create. Thank you for coming. Life is sweet, take the time to enjoy it :)
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