Back to the Basics

To whomever may stumble upon this,

We know that God is love. We know that God's love is indiscriminate, unwavering, and inexhaustable. Does knowledge equal understanding?

I've come to the conclusion that I don't truly comprehend these qualities of God's love for me. Here's why.

I realized this week that I've sought tangible representation of God in people and in things. By this, I mean that I've held people to impossible standards. Impossible standards breed unmet expectations. I, once again, stew in my hopeless perfectionist entitlement. Can anyone be trusted, moreso-is anyone worthy of MY trust?

Hideous. The fact is...the fingers that point back at me remind me that I'm the one breeding disappointment...because I'm not ok with myself...because I can't meet impossible standards I have set for myself...because I can't comprehend God's unconditional love for me...and it's easier to lay the blame on others than admit that the problem lies within.

Sometime in the middle of this week...yes...THIS week (you'd think I'd of learned this all a whole lot sooner) I realized that I had sought to fill the discontentment and insecurity within myself with...everything but God. The angrier I got at the people and things that disappointed me the angrier I got at myself because what I sought to fill the original emptiness was beginning to drain me completely dry. The original emptiness rooted from a stint of shallow communication with God. I realized I was coming before God- attempting gratefulness, attempting repentance, attempting wisdom. The thing about God is, we don't have to "attempt" at all-because the word in itself carries an implication for potential failure. We can't fail God-because once again, everything comes back to unconditional love.

If we could truly understand the vastness of this-of God's love for us-I believe we would find contentment in the simple fact that we belong to a gracious, eternally loving God. How can we not then turn and extend the same grace and compassion to others?

Deuteronomy 32:21 has God saying, "They have made Me jealous with what is not God..."
Wow...idolatry comes soooo easily. There are so many things to which we could extend our love-people, things, money, etc. , none of which are God. It just so happens that our very real emotions-loneliness, emptiness, insecurity-seem to be more readily mended by that which is tangible. The One actually worthy of our love can't be touched, tasted, audibly heard, visually seen, hugged, cried on, laughed with. That's hard. That's really, really hard. BUT it's possible...because Christ first loved us. It's possible because our waiting, praying, meditation, reading-all of it-brings us to a place of near-tangible peace and contentment. It brings us to a place of love for others. It brings me to the place where "My mouth will speak wisdom, and the mediation of my heart will be understanding." Psalm 49:3

We know that God is love. We know God means for us to pursue both knowledge and understanding of His love. We know that God means for us to extend that love to others.

The problem isn't everyone else. Examine yourself and realize the problem is you...only in the sense that...somewhere along the way, you lost the ability to accept the notion of God's love and acceptance and came to the conclusion that it was something to be earned...something to attempt gaining...and therefore, something to fail at receiving. That's a lot of pressure. No wonder you can't meet impossible expectations. No wonder everyone else can't either.

"Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for my soul. I cried to Him with my mouth, and He was praised with my tongue. If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear; but certainly God has heard; He was given heed to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer nor His lovingkindess from me." Psalm 66:16-20

emily