The Real Point of Road Trips

Lately, I realized that much of this semester's thought life has been devoted to unanswered questions.

Most people can relate to having had times where they felt as though they needed to do a certain something. That something's results didn't necessarily reap what was expected, but rather presented lessons that could only have been learned from perseverance and the process of the risk.

So many times this semester, I began walking through seemingly open doors, only to have them -somewhat politely, slammed in my face. I honestly felt like the Lord taught me early on to take these things, more than anything else, as clear direction. However, in the process of gaining direction, it's hard to not question the apparent necessity of the side trails when I earnestly sought to remain on a clear, guided path.

When I really think about it all-the open and closed doors paired with my distracted mind and divided heart-I picture a bumper car trying to race in Nascar...scattered, chaotic, maybe even hazardous. I began nearly every day with a new 5-year plan, and by the end of each day, God brought me to my knees to show me how, in a desperate attempt to have control, every detail of every plan had become an insurmountable giant. I wanted nothing more than to completely abandon every plan that had seemed logical, convenient, and satisfying earlier that same day.

I could say that I learned to give up all planning for the sake of full surrender...but I haven't. Every day I still wake up evaluating that for which God has given me passion, and wonder what steps I can take to stay on the guided path. It's a tricky thing-a tricky thing indeed. I've heard sooo many times to just stop trying, to "Let go and let God", but honestly-I think that's a cop-out. I think God gives us gifts, passions, resources, logic, etc. -not to sit around and wait for vision and clear direction-but to pursue wholeheartedly things that present themselves. Obviously, there are certain criteria against which these things can be weighed, but when you truly seek the heart of God-He is faithful to guide you. A God that loves can be trusted.

Yesterday my glasses shattered. Literally-I had (too carelessly) put them in my pocket and forgot about them. When I finally realized my pockets were glassesless, I stepped outside my dorm to find them in pieces on the ground, in the rain. I gathered the pieces and sat on the wet ground, unable to speak. Needless to say, it had been a pretty difficult week all-around, and this pathetic picture just seemed to sum it all up. Not happy. Luckily-there's a parallel to be drawn out of this current disappointment :) For a few months, those glasses provided me with clear, detailed vision. Today, they could compose a glass and plastic jig-saw puzzle. Things change, especially vision. Open doors of opportunity are almost always temporary. We grow and change and God's 'will' becomes a progressive one that profits its seeker from the process more than the (temporary) outcome. Visions shatter, doors close, and dreams change, and yet, God already has plans for the future masterpiece that now may only present itself as a clean, blank slate.



goodbyejunioryear :)

Emily