The Sweet Bean

Greetings from the Lowcountry

2009-07-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

From the time I entered Liberty and the Worship program, I knew I would have to do an internship. Most of my friends completed theirs last summer. Needless to say...I was presented with mixed reviews last August...and just not altogether certain that the whole 'internship' thing was my style. It was, however, a requirement.

Welllll, after about 10 months of intense prayer...after a senior year of many ups and downs...after a crash course on the speed limits of all south-central Virginia counties...after slaying the Goliath that was my percussion recital...after walking at commencement (math CLEP still lingering over my head) ...I arrived in...HILTON HEAD...ready to find all my wildest dreams realized.

Let me preface this by saying that upon leaving Liberty, I had no desire to be a worship leader. Although I had completed a Worship major-with a specialization in Worship Leadership...I was thoroughly intent on going to grad school to stick my toes in the open waters of just about any non-music related academic field-but primarily English Ed. My sister endured a lengthy eruption over why I believed grad school would not only equip me for a more dependable career, but rather reverse the clock on the time I had wasted in a useless major...only to return the most unimpressive response. True, I had debt. True...grad school would hand me more. True, I believed that God had led me to Liberty for a specific reason. Unable to deny these accusations...I was confronted with a challenge...to wait.

I despise no single thing more in the world than waiting. Immediately upon departure from the womb, I was immersed in a society that hates to wait...for anything...for any amount of time. My sister presented me with a counter-culture concept that-though unfavorable, was not in the least unreasonable. I knew God wanted me to wait.

A few weeks later, a good friend from the Vision team approached me following a Friday ministry chapel. I have a deep respect for this person, not only as a friend, but as a man of prayer who, though younger than me, has modeled genuine worship and influenced my views on worship leading more than anyone-he said-"Emily, God is preparing you for a new season of worship. It may be totally different than anything you've ever done before, and not what you may expect...but a new season."

Two very undeniable strikes against grad school and all things non-music...ok, still waiting.

I have been in Hilton Head, interning under Cynthia Cullen-singer/songwriter, pianist, worship leader, mother, wife, homemaker (a lot of hats here) - for the past 6 weeks. A new season has begun.

The Lord has challenged me tremendously. Musically, I have a desire to push myself and improve both vocally and instrumentally that cannot by any means be attributed to self-motivation-rather, the realization, (rather, reminder) of a calling-and an urgent pressing to prepare-for something.

The Lord has given me time. Although I work during the day, I have a lot of free time. When I was incredibly busy and stressed out-setting aside a chunk of the day for intentional, focused time with the Lord was no problem-it was a welcome relief from the day's stresses. I can choose to take advantage of the slower pace of life-which, I may never have again-and pour myself into practice and time spent conversing with God-or I can waste it.

*In Pennsylvania, there are so many back roads and alternative ways to get places. Often times, especially when I first learned to drive, I would see various back roads jutting from the highway, and though I assumed they would also lead me home, I was perfectly content to stay on the straightest, widest, most visible path possible. I would repeatedly recognize the presence of these roads in my travels-yet never explore them. When I finally decided to do so, I never wanted to go the conventional ways. Though the back roads were winding and unpredictable, there was a beauty and a serenity there that a highway could never parallel.

I knew I loved music, and I knew I loved God-and I sensed that, given the opportunity, I would feel a strange sense of familiarity as a worship leader-a familiarity that resides even in the presence of fear and insecurity-a familiarity that comes from doing what you were created to do-existing and thriving within a calling.

I don't know what's next...but I know something is stirring...and I'm unbelievably excited-not to mention, surprised. I'm excited, mainly, to be a worship leader...in any context. I prayed for this internship and for my worship leader before I ever got a call about going to Hilton Head, and before I ever met Cynthia. I'm thankful for people in my life that are willing to audibly speak wisdom and truth when I'm ready to act too hastily...and when my hard-hardheadedness has tuned out the still, small voice of the Lord and His direction.

3 weeks to go...content in waiting.

Arsenic and Old Lace-appearance vs. reality

2008-09-04T22:32:00.000-07:00

You may or may not have seen the old Cary Grant film, "Arsenic and Old Lace". Basically, it's a pretty twisted tale...based on a twisted plot...which is unraveled by twisted characters-all of whom have deep secrets. Yet, mere appearances are soon shed as reality claims its rightful position-front and center. Most of us are pretty twisted, but yet, think we do a reasonably good job conforming our outward appearances, actions, reactions, etc. to what we believe are cultural/societal/generational expectations.

So what about the concept of appearance being reality? Is appearance REALLY reality or is that something said to keep self-contradictions at bay? Well...I believe, to an extent...it's true.

I have a roommate. A great roommate and a great house. Apartment. House-ish apartment that feels like a house compared to a dorm. Well we haven't known each other all THAT well for too long, but we're friends nonetheless. Well the other day we were discussing current events...of the personal kind...and I asked for some honest opinions. What I received was unexpected, and not altogether pleasant...and I realized...appearance is reality. No one enjoys looking their flaws and seeing them for what they really are-flaws...flaws unjustifiable by good intentions or frames of reference. This can be seriously frightening.

My home in Pennsylvania has a 'storage' room on the 3rd floor. What resides there is simply anything unworthy of public display around the house. It's pretty messy...not welcoming or organized...and yet it represents some major aspects of my family and our lives. Point being...when someone enters our home...there's no chance they would ever see that room...the unorganized, outdated mess that represents facets of our past unless they reaaalllyyyy went hunting for it. This fact doesn't make the room any less present in our home. Only in destroying the whole house would the room cease to exist.

Similarly, when my loving apartment-mate forced me to look at that hidden room, it was painful, alarming even-which is ridiculous, because what she saw has been there all along-and yet in my attempt to cover it in justification-I had to face its outward appearance. Appearance is reality. No one knows you like you know you...or like God knows you...and no one knows why you do and say the things you do and say-but they see what you do and hear what you say and make judgements soley based on the words you allow yourself to utter and the actions you willingly perform.

Consider this in your travels...

The Real Point of Road Trips

2008-05-09T21:57:00.000-07:00

Lately, I realized that much of this semester's thought life has been devoted to unanswered questions.

Most people can relate to having had times where they felt as though they needed to do a certain something. That something's results didn't necessarily reap what was expected, but rather presented lessons that could only have been learned from perseverance and the process of the risk.

So many times this semester, I began walking through seemingly open doors, only to have them -somewhat politely, slammed in my face. I honestly felt like the Lord taught me early on to take these things, more than anything else, as clear direction. However, in the process of gaining direction, it's hard to not question the apparent necessity of the side trails when I earnestly sought to remain on a clear, guided path.

When I really think about it all-the open and closed doors paired with my distracted mind and divided heart-I picture a bumper car trying to race in Nascar...scattered, chaotic, maybe even hazardous. I began nearly every day with a new 5-year plan, and by the end of each day, God brought me to my knees to show me how, in a desperate attempt to have control, every detail of every plan had become an insurmountable giant. I wanted nothing more than to completely abandon every plan that had seemed logical, convenient, and satisfying earlier that same day.

I could say that I learned to give up all planning for the sake of full surrender...but I haven't. Every day I still wake up evaluating that for which God has given me passion, and wonder what steps I can take to stay on the guided path. It's a tricky thing-a tricky thing indeed. I've heard sooo many times to just stop trying, to "Let go and let God", but honestly-I think that's a cop-out. I think God gives us gifts, passions, resources, logic, etc. -not to sit around and wait for vision and clear direction-but to pursue wholeheartedly things that present themselves. Obviously, there are certain criteria against which these things can be weighed, but when you truly seek the heart of God-He is faithful to guide you. A God that loves can be trusted.

Yesterday my glasses shattered. Literally-I had (too carelessly) put them in my pocket and forgot about them. When I finally realized my pockets were glassesless, I stepped outside my dorm to find them in pieces on the ground, in the rain. I gathered the pieces and sat on the wet ground, unable to speak. Needless to say, it had been a pretty difficult week all-around, and this pathetic picture just seemed to sum it all up. Not happy. Luckily-there's a parallel to be drawn out of this current disappointment :) For a few months, those glasses provided me with clear, detailed vision. Today, they could compose a glass and plastic jig-saw puzzle. Things change, especially vision. Open doors of opportunity are almost always temporary. We grow and change and God's 'will' becomes a progressive one that profits its seeker from the process more than the (temporary) outcome. Visions shatter, doors close, and dreams change, and yet, God already has plans for the future masterpiece that now may only present itself as a clean, blank slate.

goodbyejunioryear :)

Emily

A lesson from Job

2008-05-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

Who am I to contend, Oh Lord, with what You have allowed...
did I make the stars to light Your night, or clothe the sea with clouds?

Did I make the mountains tall and proud? Is my power heard in thunder's shouts?
Do I hear the cries of every hungry child?
Who am I, Oh Lord...

And can I know the mind that sees us all with no human eyes...
who holds the boundaries of the sea, yet brings the birds to flight...

Who's Son for strangers crucified...

Who am I, Oh Lord?

Who am I?

When in Rome...

2008-03-25T22:25:00.000-07:00

So much to say...where do I begin?

This may be the first of a few of these...but then again, it wouldn't be the first time I attempted a series and didn't follow through.

I got back from Rome last night...I was there with a band that formed pretty randomly to go and do music ministry with some amazing people that work there full time...building relationships, learning the culture, and deciphering the overall perception of God and what a church would have to look like there to be effective.

A few people have asked about the biggest thing I learned...or the coolest thing that I witnessed to the glory of God. Well, I've thought long and hard...and I think God just totally blew my idea of ministry or what a "missions trip" could or should look like-completely out of the water. In many senses...the ministry that happened during our short time there was a gateway ministry; we were building relationships to be further cultivated by the missionaries there. Over time...conversations we had may lead to deeper conversations, close friendships, and opportunities to partner with others in ministry. However, essentially, we simply spent time with people-some like us, but most very different- and did so without an agenda. It's hard to feel effective in the context of short term missions-unless you consider the value in the simplicity of building relationships. Again, we are not called to "save" the world by any means-but to show the world what it looks like to follow Christ...in authentic terms. Simply- we need not show the world facades of perfection-we need only show the world that we see the infinite value of loving others unconditionally, serving each other and strangers alike, and in following after one capable of bestowing forgiveness and grace on all that is shameful, ugly, impure, cruel, and selfish.

Briefly-I am so thankful for the team. I don't know if I can say that I've ever been so convicted and encouraged by a single group of people as I was by this team. Through them, God showed me that despite my best efforts-I have a heart that passes judgement prematurely-that stereotypes and categorizes. My heart was proved painfully wrong. Through this team I was shown that there have been dreams and desires I have tucked away and hidden for fear of rejection and failure. I have closed doors on things not yet begun. I have looked at open doors and run in the opposite direction. I have tried to formulate and organize my life to be without risk and heartache. Through this team came words of wisdom, conviction, and encouragement. Through this team doors were opened that had seemingly unbreakable locks. I thank God for them...and renewed inspiration.

I guess that's all for now...jetlag is a curious thing...

Buona Sera...baci!

Emily

Rising Above Humanity (part 1)

2008-01-25T23:33:00.000-08:00

It's Friday!!!! AND...

I was just thinking...
about last summer...I was attending a Women of Faith conference in Wash. D.C. with my mom, sitting through the last session, listening as each woman bestowed her final words of wisdom upon us. Now, if you've ever been to one of these weekends, or have ever even heard of them-the first few things that come to your mind probably fall along these lines; energy, empowerment, tears, encouragement, laughter, more tears, "awwwwww", more tears, more laughing, bursts of applause, (happy claps, sad claps, "great job" claps", etc.) pink, hearts, pink, and optimism.

Now...I love all of that-because that's women...in a random, emotional, pink nutshell. However, I was suprised to hear a refreshingly honest word from Luci Swindoll. She approached the stage solemnly, armed to warn us concerning the let-downs of life. She offered, "Ladies, life...is profoundly disappointing...live for the 'ah ha' moments...for they make life worthwhile."

Now, what is an 'ah ha' moment exactly? More than a phrase, it's a gasp- it's wishing your eyes could open just a little bit wider to fully take in all that stands before you. It's feeling that for a moment everything is right and peaceful and just. It's a feeling, moment, situation, dream, opportunity, etc. that you would capture in a bottle if you could- for fear that things couldn't possibly get any better.

I learned today...I think maybe more than on any other day...that life can be so bitterly and profoundly disappointing. And, as much as I swore I wouldn't put my faith in people or myself for that matter, I still somehow manage to get tripped up on the mere humanity of...people. I struggle when I see families, supposedly rooted in Christ, falling apart at the seams and every time I feel like I have a little less faith in love and trust and..people. I praise God for that...putting more hope and strength in people than God will always lead to disappointment. I struggle when I feel like there's no way I could ever possibly make everyone happy. I praise God for that...accepting the disappointments of humanity should almost be the foundation for a true, authentic relationship with Christ.

If we're all doing this thing together-that is, trying to live lives modeled after Jesus...from the angle that we are worthless, stained, dishonest, and calloused but for the grace of God-I believe we would be a lot less discouraged by our failures and the unmet expectations of others...and all the more ready to rejoice in eachother's "ah ha" moments. I am learning more and more every day that we're all struggling, we're all angry about one thing or another, we all feel inadequate . Yet, even though we can recognize these traits in ourselves, we're almost suprised when someone else is transparent enough to let us see those traits in them. Does the church really REALLY desire authentic Christianity? I would venture to say that not only do we lack a desire for it so many times, but more often than not we're scared to death of it. We're scared to death that anyone might be as confused as us or struggle over the same issues , and if we can't look to others for spiritual stability, well then...the whole thing will just fall apart...right?

Why is it so hard to accept that at the core of who we are-as mere humans, we are all desperate?Considering the fact that not one of us is God, we have to stop fearing the things in ourselves and others that display inconsistency with the life of Christ-and be on our knees crying out to God-bearing burdens for eachother and again, rejoicing in times when we see glimpses of God's glory displayed in eachother's lives. Let's not waste anymore time putting ourselves on platforms of self-righteousness when we know, that despite loving the Lord, we still falter. How can we then turn and doubt the love of Christ in others as soon as things begin to get a little messy and dare I say...uncomfortable?

Psalm 15:1-3.."O Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart. He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up reproach against his friend..."

Emc

Honestly?

2008-01-20T22:41:00.000-08:00

In the same mind lies clarity and confusion, doubt and faith
and I come before You begging for direction, and seeking Your face...

If I should wait, I'll wait
kneeling and grounded in Your word
but if I should move, I'll move
nothing else can I afford

Than to place my feet in the steps You plan
and to fix my eyes on Your guided path...
I only ask that I not be led astray...
Lord take my hands and guide my way...
restore my sight and grant me Your clarity...

And once again I feel trapped in a skin
with a thousand dreams poisoned by perfectionism
and all I want is to hear Your words above the noise,
"This is the way, walk in it...that's the sound of My voice."

So if I should wait, I'll wait
kneeling and grounded in Your word
but if I should move, I'll move
nothing else can I afford

I only ask that I not be led astray...
Holy God lend the hand that guides the way
restore my sight and grant me Your

CLARITY

Something to Chew On...

2008-01-16T23:15:00.000-08:00

Hello Again!

Well...we're about to close up our first week of classes at Liberty. Honestly...it was a little rough coming back from break. My family means the world to me and so time at home is so precious. Regardless...back to the grind now.

It's interesting...I'm just now realizing that it seems as though God teaches me something so new every semester-or, something so familiar, and something happens that finally brings it to absorbtion. Sometimes the lesson dawns on me at the end, where I look back and say, "ok...now I get it..." and things that confused me at the beginning come to light and all the pieces come together. Other times-I get a pretty big gulp for starters-and then have the remaining months of the semester to fully digest. I think this spring will be one of those.

Through a pretty big recent situation, I realized that as much as I try to encourage others to just trust God at all times, when it really comes down to the application -I do just the opposite-I go into panic mode, put on my work gloves, and go into problem-solver super-fix-it mode. As much as I hate to admit-what this really says is, "Ok God-this one's really big...no...really, REALLY big and I'm just not sure you're going to work it out (the way I think it should work out) and so I'm just gonna go ahead and take this into my own hands just to make sure everything ends well (I get my way)." Yikes.

How many of us could ever directly say that to God? Not many. But how many of us would reflect that through our actions in stressful situations? Probably most. Most of us would probably have to admit that we don't truly trust God as we ought. Most of us would probably admit that we end up "helping" a little by taking matters into our own hands.

Again..."perfect love casts out all fear"...it always seems to come back to the extent of God's love for us. If we truly trust that He loves us-why do we still act out of fear? Why do we lose sleep over situations we have absolutely no control over? Why do we constantly belittle the power of God and His sovereignty?

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear; because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." 1 John 4:18

Why is it that I only began to fully trust God after exhausting all other options? Why is it that it took falling to my knees in desperation to fully surrender everything? Since when did the God of the universe become a last resort?!

I decided this year I would make weekly resolutions rather than yearly-it's just a little less ominous to set short term goals-and then it feels like more has been accomplished when the goals are met...a little less self-defeating.

My #1 resolution for this week (and ambitiously all weeks to follow forever after)
-fall before the feet of the ultimate mender in and for all things...
Luke 18:41-"What do you want Me to do for you?"And he said, "Lord, I want to regain my sight!"

The Lord granted the man His sight because he prayed a bold prayer-He presented a request before God. Now, God doesn't always promise to heal, comfort, or intervene the way we would prefer-and it's a good thing ;) He does, however, promise to hear our prayers, offered in faith, and answer us-if we are faithful to listen and wait...and when we get impatient with that...listen and wait some more.

"Open the gates, that the righteous nation may enter, the one that remains faithful. The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in God the Lord, we have an everlasting rock." -Isaiah 26:2-4

em

Back to the Basics

2007-10-20T21:45:00.001-07:00

To whomever may stumble upon this,

We know that God is love. We know that God's love is indiscriminate, unwavering, and inexhaustable. Does knowledge equal understanding?

I've come to the conclusion that I don't truly comprehend these qualities of God's love for me. Here's why.

I realized this week that I've sought tangible representation of God in people and in things. By this, I mean that I've held people to impossible standards. Impossible standards breed unmet expectations. I, once again, stew in my hopeless perfectionist entitlement. Can anyone be trusted, moreso-is anyone worthy of MY trust?

Hideous. The fact is...the fingers that point back at me remind me that I'm the one breeding disappointment...because I'm not ok with myself...because I can't meet impossible standards I have set for myself...because I can't comprehend God's unconditional love for me...and it's easier to lay the blame on others than admit that the problem lies within.

Sometime in the middle of this week...yes...THIS week (you'd think I'd of learned this all a whole lot sooner) I realized that I had sought to fill the discontentment and insecurity within myself with...everything but God. The angrier I got at the people and things that disappointed me the angrier I got at myself because what I sought to fill the original emptiness was beginning to drain me completely dry. The original emptiness rooted from a stint of shallow communication with God. I realized I was coming before God- attempting gratefulness, attempting repentance, attempting wisdom. The thing about God is, we don't have to "attempt" at all-because the word in itself carries an implication for potential failure. We can't fail God-because once again, everything comes back to unconditional love.

If we could truly understand the vastness of this-of God's love for us-I believe we would find contentment in the simple fact that we belong to a gracious, eternally loving God. How can we not then turn and extend the same grace and compassion to others?

Deuteronomy 32:21 has God saying, "They have made Me jealous with what is not God..."
Wow...idolatry comes soooo easily. There are so many things to which we could extend our love-people, things, money, etc. , none of which are God. It just so happens that our very real emotions-loneliness, emptiness, insecurity-seem to be more readily mended by that which is tangible. The One actually worthy of our love can't be touched, tasted, audibly heard, visually seen, hugged, cried on, laughed with. That's hard. That's really, really hard. BUT it's possible...because Christ first loved us. It's possible because our waiting, praying, meditation, reading-all of it-brings us to a place of near-tangible peace and contentment. It brings us to a place of love for others. It brings me to the place where "My mouth will speak wisdom, and the mediation of my heart will be understanding." Psalm 49:3

We know that God is love. We know God means for us to pursue both knowledge and understanding of His love. We know that God means for us to extend that love to others.

The problem isn't everyone else. Examine yourself and realize the problem is you...only in the sense that...somewhere along the way, you lost the ability to accept the notion of God's love and acceptance and came to the conclusion that it was something to be earned...something to attempt gaining...and therefore, something to fail at receiving. That's a lot of pressure. No wonder you can't meet impossible expectations. No wonder everyone else can't either.

"Come and hear, all who fear God, and I will tell of what He has done for my soul. I cried to Him with my mouth, and He was praised with my tongue. If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear; but certainly God has heard; He was given heed to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer nor His lovingkindess from me." Psalm 66:16-20

emily

Utterances of God

2007-05-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

"Whoever speaks, let him speak, as it were, the utterances of God..." I Peter 4:11

Wow. Think about the implications of that. Think about the utterances of God...what they would sound like. To hear the utterances of God would be to hear only words of absolute truth, absolute love, absolute purity. To think about taking our words captive to emulate the utterances of God...what a goal...what a privilege...what a calling.
This carries so much further even than our words alone...

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks...
If our words reflect the utterances of God, than what does that mean for our hearts? It means that not only are we speaking truth, but we believe in our hearts that what God says to be true genuinely is...we subscribe to loving God with our whole beings, and by the grace of God, loving our neighbors-created in God's own image...we hold ourselves to a standard of purity in all things...

Again, what a standard-to aim for our words to reflect the utterances of God, to direct our thoughts constantly to the things of God and His infinite truth...to saturate our hearts in that which causes our Father's to beat for us...
Just a thought...

2007-04-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

Well hello!
Have you ever felt like the only thing that remains constant in your life is...change?
To say that God has been moving in mysterious ways would be an understatement. Through recent conversations and situations I've been reminded of the fact that my heart is restless...and, while this can be unnerving at times, I can't forget the fact that God is the God of my emotions...even restless ones. Things have been transitioning in strange, unexplainable, unexpected ways and while normally this would terrify me, God has given me an equally unexplainable peace. Every person seeking God's will for their life could say that there have been defineable times in their life when they felt as though God was loosening ties...an uprooting of sorts. This would be one of those times...when God begins moving you beyond your comfort and your current peace for the sake of growth, teaching, pruning, and blessing. And, though our first instinct is to kick and scream about it, we should rejoice. We can't possibly know everything at once, because it would overwhelm us-and inevitably, we would start hashing out how those things could possibly be accomplished in the flesh. I am so thankful for a God that works on a need-to-know basis. Considering all of this, I opened up to last night's devotion and it was Hebrews 11-entitled, "The Triumphs of Faith"...what is our hope and peace built on if not our faith in the fact that God loves us enough to move us one step at a time, blessing us according to His purpose and plan? Nothing is guaranteed...not even tomorrow...and what we think we can rely on, we can't, and what we think we're entitled to, we aren't. Vs. 39 says, "And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us..." What are we promised? We are promised chastening out of love, followed by growth and blessing.
Needless to say, I'm finishing this year with a million uncertainties...and a smile because I know I don't have to have it all figured out.

Myspace

2007-03-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

Hello!
I just wanted to let everyone know that I have a Myspace direct link now...thanks to a little help from my roomates :) So...here it is... http://www.myspace.com/EmilyCWolff -please let me know if it works ok! Actually...please just let me know if this link takes you to the page...I know the last song skips...if anyone has any feedback on how to fix it I'd love to hear it! Thanks so much! Have a wonderful day and God Bless!!!

Emily

2007-03-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday! Well, I'm drawing near to the end of my spring break and reflecting a bit on the time...

First of all, it's been awesome to have the time with family-to say that God has blessed me with incredible parents and siblings would be an understatement.

I also can't tell you how nice it's been to have a break from classes...so much open time to WRITE! I've been working on two new songs this week-I finished one tonight...praise the Lord! AND...the other one is still a work in progress...but it's coming along! It's so strange how different ideas formulate and materialize. I was driving home from my sister's house yesterday, and I was thinking about her relationship with my brother-in-law. They got married pretty young and I've seen them experience so much together-simply in being young and married while in school. I am continually amazed by the love they have for eachother-and I know it's nothing but the grace of God that has held them together through everything. Needless to say, I was reflecting on all of this, and I opened my mouth, and just in singing my thoughts out loud, formulated a chorus! I was so excited I ran home, wrote down lyrics and began working out a melody. After the chorus, I began praying about the rest...and really started to feel like the song shouldn't just be about lateral relationship love, but about God's love for us, and how we should be trying to work towards loving eachother with unconditional love every day of our lives. The thing is, we (as people) aren't good at loving unconditionally. I know personally, I get frustrated because I don't love others the way I should or the way I want to or the way each person deserves. This song is about that, I guess. Being inspired by love-the love of others and the love of Christ for us and others and the realization of falling short of extending this love-but continually trying anyway.

On a different note...I also worked on my Kazakhstan support letters tonight. I'm taking a missions trip to Kazakhstan in May through the Worship department at Liberty. I always feel a little strange with things like this-I know God provides through the financial blessings of others, but I guess I just struggle with feeling as though things aren't getting across sincerely. So, I guess I would really appreciate all of your prayers-both that God would provide financially and that recipients of those letters would really know my heart. Thanks everyone!!!

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Emily

Isaiah 42:16
"I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, in paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, and I will not leave them undone."

Welcome to the Sweet Bean

2007-03-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

Well hello!
I will confess, this is my first blog and I'm not sure how much of this is supposed to be random thought as opposed to background information. Let's try both. I'm a sophomore at Liberty University, studying Worship and Music Ministry...and I love it. I don't know what's going to happen with it yet exactly-but I know that God has given me a passion for music and songwriting. I'm not sure when this all started exactly. I started writing poetry in middleschool, and envied every person on the planet that could actually put melodies to their words. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do-I asked God for melodies...plain and simple. I told God, (as if He didn't already know) that I knew He kept giving me words for a reason, and I knew they needed melodies and I couldn't write them myself. Long story short, I began spending more and more time at the piano...staring at words...staring at keys...staring at words...staring in general...and God has been faithful.
There's this thing in all of us, this innate God-given desire to create and be creative-this insatiable yearning-our souls thirst for it...to express emotion in innovative and inspiring ways-to demonstrate true artistry through music, art, dance, you name it. Look around you and see the vastness of our universe and it's not hard to see that God is a creative God. We are His true artistry. This thing, this indescribable longing that stirs my soul and awakens me to God, to love, to people, is writing music.
You may have noticed, I entitled this blog, "The Sweet Bean". Currently, the Sweet Bean is the name of my dorm-adopted by myself and my roomates for our room, the hall coffee shop. This is all going to sound a little ridiculous...because...well, it is just a dorm room. However, that having been said, we have a few constants. First and foremost, there is a coffee pot that never goes inactive for more than a day. We also have pleasant lighting (via spider lamp) and mood-fitting music (music that fits our moods, and music that creates the desired Sweet Bean atmosphere).
I've said all of that to say this. First of all, I can't think of any greater atmosphere than that of a coffee shop. When you visit the Sweet Bean (blog) I hope you feel relaxed...I hope you feel as though time reading this is time well spent, I hope you find a temporary haven from the daily grind (also actually the name of a favorite coffee shop here in town). I hope you leave with a fresh desire to create. Thank you for coming. Life is sweet, take the time to enjoy it :)